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It is a invariable fact that dragons are extremely vigilant. They never sleep, and for that reason we often find them employed in guarding treasures. A dragon guarded at Clochis the golden fleece that Jason conquered from him. A dragon watched over the golden apples in the garden of the Hesperides [obviously a reference to Apple Computer]. He was killed by Hercules and transformed into a star by Juno [msft].This fact is related in some books, and if it be true, it was done by magic, for the gods of the pagans are in reality demons. A dragon prevented barbarous and ignorant men from drinking at the fountain of Castalia. We must also remember the dragon of Andromeda, which was slain by Perseus. But let us turn from these pagan fables [otherwise known as news reports], in which error is always mixed with the truth. We meet dragons in the histories of the glorious archangel Michael, of St. George [the Patron Saint of Bananas], St. Philip, St. James the Great, St. Patrick, St. Martha [now pleading her dragin' case in court], and St. Margaret. And it is in such writings, since they are worthy of full credence, that we ought to look for comfort and counsel. Orberosia, a maiden and probably an intern [well, sort of innocent and maidenlike -- she also had the hots for a young shepherd, Marcel], whose pleasing form was invested with inexhaustible vigour, married [or at least she cohabited with] a reclusive warrior, Kraken, who did not know of the loves of Orberosia and Marcel, for he was a hero, and heros never discover the secrets of their wives. -- the happy couple lived in the Coast of Shadows, where humans never went because that is where the dragon lived -- she wanted to get back in the swing of things and make some money and enjoy herself, so she thought up a scheme about slaying the dragon -- according to well documented research, a virgin and a warrior were needed -- preferibly, the warrior should not have been convicted of any traffic violations since he was born -- Well, the dragon would ravage the villages, eating chickens, cattle [hey, this was before they tested for avian flu and hoof and mouth disease] and little kids [no child molester lists either] -- the plan was to have a virgin, her [hehe], wrap her girdle around the dragon's neck, incapacitating it, while hubby slayed it -- the children the dragon ate were liberated, Kraken was a hero, and Orberosia looked on, radiantly saintly -- Several Penguins, seeing the dragon disembowelled, rushed forward to cut him to pieces, some from a feeling of rage and vengance, others to get the magic stone called dragonite [obviously oil], that is engendered in his head. Kraken levied the tribute [the federal budget] and became the richest and most powerful of the Penguins. As a sign of his victory and so as to inspire a salutory terror, he wore a dragon's crest upon his head and he had a habit of saying to the people: "Now that the monster is dead I am
the dragon." -- For many years Orberosia bestowed her favours upon neatherds and shepherds, whom she thought equal to the gods. But when she was no longer beautiful she consecrated herself to the Lord. [apparently, so did Tammy Baker] At her death she became the object of public veneration, and was admitted into the calendar of the saints and adopted as the patron saint of Penguinia. Kraken left a son, who, like his father, wore a dragon's crest, and he was for this reason surnamed Draco. He was the founder of the first royal dynesty of the Penguins. and thereafter, following various stages of development Penguinia gloried in its wealth. Those who produced the things necessary for life, wanted them; those who did not produce them had more than enough. "But these," as a member of the Institute said, "are necessary economic fatalities." The great Penguin people had no longer either traditions, intellectual culture, or arts. The progress of civilization manifested itself among them by murderous industry, infamous speculation, and hideous luxury. Its capital assumed, as did all the great cities of the time, a cosmopolitan and financial character. An immense and regular ugliness reigned within it. The country enjoyed perfect tranquility. It had reached its zenith. and so it came to pass |
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